<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Drift Away by LizLuvsCupcakes</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010516">Drift Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizLuvsCupcakes/pseuds/LizLuvsCupcakes'>LizLuvsCupcakes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Remus Finds a FamILY [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Deceit is called Janus but he has a billion other names, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Patton is a good Dad, Remus is Spinel, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Unsympathetic Deceit Sanders, abandonment tw, but it’s like one line so you should be ok, implied trans virgil, just a bit of comfort though, mentions of repressed stimming, mentions of stimming, projecting onto Remus? Me?, roman is a big brother, self harm stimming, transphobia TW</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:13:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,584</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010516</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizLuvsCupcakes/pseuds/LizLuvsCupcakes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Deceit cannot put up with the dark side of creativity a second longer, but the infernal little thing refuses to let him leave back to the basement. So, in order to get away, what does Deceit do? Why, the most logical and angsty thing!</p><p>This is a prologue to my other fic, Sanders Sides: Open Wide, because it occurred to me I never explained why Remus was there lol.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil &amp; Creativity | Roman &amp; Logic | Logan &amp; Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Remus Finds a FamILY [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Drift Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well, you read the title. You know the song. You know deceit is my villain.</p><p>You know what you’re getting into.</p><p>TW: mentions of abuse, transphobia, and themes of abandonment. Also Patton sings “Found.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The quiet of the mindscape was shattered by a shout. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Fuck this!!</em>” Screamed Deceit, abruptly rising into the mindscape. He had a giggling Remus by the forearm, and his eyes were flashing, pupils slitted with rage. “That's it! No more! I'm done! <em>I’M DONE!!</em>” </p><p> </p><p>He giggled. It wasn't the first of Remus’s failures, or the first time he'd ruined everything. He was the Duke, after all. Those things were in his job description. Hell, being awful was his nature. But he could only expect Snakes to have so much patience, right? Snakes surely needed a moment to yell at these guys, deserved it after all Remus had put him through.</p><p> </p><p>First he intruded into the silence of his home, then he made him put up with him day in and day out, now he couldn't even convince Thomas he was a bad person?</p><p> </p><p>He'd probably want a moment to yell at Patton too.</p><p> </p><p>Snakes gave his arm a good hard yank, and dragged the giggling Duke up the stairs, toward the reconstruction of Thomas’s childhood bedroom door, muttering angrily all the while. “Fuck this nonsense, you're <em>both</em> failures, <em>THEY</em> can all figure it out, I can't take another <em>day</em> of it!” He snarled, all stuff he'd said before. Except that third thing.</p><p> </p><p>He brought his fist roughly to Patton’s door, banging so hard he might well have brought it down. </p><p> </p><p>“Woah woah woah woah woah!” Patton flung the door open and took the liar by the shoulders, gently but firmly. “Dee, easy, you're at like a fifteen and we need you at like a seven. Just take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Dee said something back, but Remus wasn't listening. He was thinking about how much his eye hurt. He'd really been aiming with some gusto. Had he really needed to go for the wine glasses and plates? Oh well, he'd fix it when they got home.</p><p> </p><p>But that might be a while; after all, he’d really let Remus have it. Maybe after he’d rested up a little.</p><p> </p><p>“... No, no, no, Kiddo, you don't mean that,” Patton was saying hurriedly, and <em>ooooooh</em>, he looked scared. No, more than that. He looked downright <em>appalled</em>. Remus giggled, whatever Dee had cooking must have been <em><strong>good</strong></em>. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I assure you I mean it,” he snarled, throwing Remus’s arm aside like it was something that disgusted him. <strike>It should.</strike> </p><p> </p><p>“It's going to crush him, you know it is-“</p><p> </p><p>“I cannot take another <em>second</em> of whatever nonsense he can come up with!”</p><p> </p><p>“But you let him out, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Except by now, Thomas has always done whatever it is I wanted him to do, and it seems Remus can’t even get <em>that</em> done anymore. He’s used up his worth to me, maybe you can sort him out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kiddo, have you tried talking it through wit-?” He half gestured to Remus before Deceit began hissing and rattling beneath his voice again. </p><p> </p><p>“It is TALKED THROUGH,” he barked, and he turned on his heels, back down the stairs to the basement.</p><p> </p><p>He made it to the basement, and just as he was about to leave, he was stopped. Something wiry, little and with a grip like a vice latched onto him, with a frantic strength. The snake stiffened, and with a groan massive annoyance, attempted to pry him off. “Get off, Remus. You <b>haven't</b> been enough trouble for me as it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was a brilliant performance, Sir!” He gushed eagerly, not releasing the hug until the snake was trying to push him off in earnest. “I bet you really told the patriarchal pussy what was what! So what's the plan now?”</p><p> </p><p>“You stay here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh, more bothering my brother, what fun! What game shall I play with him?”</p><p> </p><p>He growled, then said, “I <b>do</b> want you to play a game with them, Remus. I want to <b>continue</b> playing. <b>That is</b> why I brought you up here. Now just shut up, and-” he had just about thrown the Duke off, when he felt himself seized and couldn't move forward. “<b><em>... Remus. Let. Go. Of. My. Arm.</em></b>”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Demanded the Duke, mania masking desperation. “Why don't you want to play anymore, Lies? What did I do wrong?” It was vital that he know this. There had to be an answer, there was just no way there wasn't. He wasn't just <em>leaving</em> Remus without instruction or guidance to disrupt order, right?</p><p> </p><p>Around this point, Patton made his way down the stairs, followed by Logan, Roman and Virgil, all of whom had been attracted by the shouting, and none of whom had the courage to actually go down to the basement door and confront Deceit. </p><p> </p><p>“Was it the games I offered?” Remus asked, looking at Deceit with an expression that wrenched the nostalgia blade permanently lodged in Patton's heart. He knew the face well, oh yes, it was the same face that Roman had when he wasn't sure if he was really a prince, if he'd made the right choices, if he had done the right things… the same face he wore when he sought comfort from Patton. But there was no comfort where Remus sought it. “Cuz if you don't like <em>those</em> games, deedee, I can make up other games, I've got lots of fun games we can play, wanna see one?”</p><p> </p><p>“<b>Yes, I do.</b> Now get off, and-”</p><p> </p><p>“It's called twisty fingers!” Rather than let go of Deceit, he conjured two faceless figures, one green and one yellow. The green one sprung to life and grabbed its left index finger. “You grab your hand like this and then-” the light sides barely had time to look away before the green figure- clearly Remus- twisted that finger with a sickening <em>crack</em>. The yellow figure pantomimed laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Deceit didn't turn around. Didn't say anything. Just stood there, quaking in rage. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, uh-” the figures were gone in a puff of smoke. “What about Snip Snakes? No no, wait, you didn't like that one. I swear, I didn't wanna play it with you, I was gonna make a pretend snake to do it to. What if after I put it in a blender, wouldn't that be something Dee?”</p><p> </p><p>Still no response. Roman was tense, ready to react if the snake lunged. </p><p> </p><p>“Do <em>you</em> wanna pick the game, Dee? We can play any game you want, and I'll make it as good as Roman, better than Roman. Anything you want, absolutely anything. Do you want that Dee? Will that make things better Dee?” Remus asked, more than a little desperate for something, anything. “<em>Dee???</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Deceit didn't look at the Duke for a moment. For a second, the light Sides thought he might have died. He just stared forward, into the darkness that led to the basement and took a deep, ragged breath through his nose. Then he turned on his heels wearing a winning smile with a glint in his eye that promised mischief and terrible things. </p><p> </p><p>“Why, Remus, I'd <em>love</em> to pick the game,” he crooned in a voice like sugar laced with arsenic. </p><p> </p><p>The terrified, uncertain look on Remus’s face was quickly replaced with one of utter, simple joy. “Really?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus jumped up and down, clearly delighted at the very prospect. He couldn't help it, stimming was unbecoming of a Duke, but he was just so, so relieved. He bounced on the balls of his feet until the Snake held him firmly by the shoulders, forcing him to stand still.</p><p> </p><p>“What's the game, Snakes, is it good? I bet it's really good, I bet it'll fuck up Thomas’s sleep schedule, is it a hard game?”</p><p> </p><p>“It's such an easy game, Remus. Even you could do it.” His voice oozed and dripped with patience and kindness that anyone could tell wasn't really there. But Remus heard it there. He wanted it to be there, he wished it was there.</p><p> </p><p>It <em>had</em> to be there. </p><p> </p><p>“This, my darling Duke, is the ‘Standing Very Still and Being Very Quiet’ game,” Deceit began in a calm, soothing voice, the way one might speak to an overwrought child. “All you have to do is stand here. In this spot, and do not move no matter what. Do <em>not</em> bounce, flap, pick at the walls, or do any of those <em>other</em> silly things you do. And while you are standing here, Remus, you must be very quiet. Don't make a single sound, Madness, not a <em>peep</em>, or I'll know.” He tapped his temple and smiled conspiratorially. </p><p> </p><p>Remus giggled. “That sounds easy. I'm gonna win! When does the game start?”</p><p> </p><p>“As soon as I walk through that door, Remus. Once I have, do not make a sound, or move from this spot. I'll know, and you'll lose.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do I win?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don't move <b>until I come back.</b>”</p><p> </p><p>Remus giggled. “This is gonna be so much fun!! I can't wait to see the look on Thomas's face when he figures out his deceitful nature got him again!”</p><p> </p><p>Deceit gave an eyes-closed smile. “Me neither, Madness.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, the snake patted his cheek and turned down the dark corridor. It was odd to watch, his cape and hat a slightly different shade than the dark of the hallway giving them the quality of being almost… disembodied. It was like Remus was just watching the cape and the hat drift away. </p><p> </p><p>And then the door closed, leaving behind a stationary Duke, and the four other sides stood on the stairs in horror and awe of what they'd just witnessed. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 1</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>They didn't dare convene in the living room. Too close to the entrance to the subconscious. The chance of being overheard was far too high. </p><p> </p><p>Although, as Virgil so eloquently pointed out, “we're gonna be talking about him, he might as well hear.”</p><p> </p><p>Instead, they opted to scoot to the end of the hallway, and murmured their action plan. Finally, a plan was devised- as Logan was the only one who had been able to successfully talk to Remus without being disgusted with the drivel coming from him constantly. But this time, Logan noticed as he approached the completely stationary monarch, there was no drivel. No conversation. No excited bouncing as Logan arrived. Just silent, focused staring. Nothing more than a twitch of an eye to see who was approaching. </p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Remus,” he said calmly. “How are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>There was no answer. </p><p> </p><p>“... ah, perhaps that was too open-ended a question. I suppose I should ask, are you feeling particularly infuriated about your situation?”</p><p> </p><p>No answer. Not even a head jiggle. </p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps you're more bitter, or dismal?”</p><p> </p><p>Nothing. Zip. Nada.</p><p> </p><p>“... melancholy? Disconsolate, doleful…?” Logan was two seconds away from digging out his pocket thesaurus. But then, a thought occurred to him. “Oh, goodness, are you completely intent on remaining stationary and silent until Deceit comes back through that door?”</p><p> </p><p>The lack of answer, in this case, was answer enough. </p><p> </p><p>“Remus, he isn't coming back, why don't you come join us in the kitchen for breakfast?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus didn't move. Silly logic, he wasn't going to be fooled that easily, they were going to try to make him lose the game like an idiot, lose <em>the worlds easiest game</em>, and then when he did they'd laugh. Even <em>Logan</em> would laugh. Logan wasn't going to get to laugh, though, because he wasn't going to move. </p><p> </p><p>Logan sighed out loud. “I'll call you when it's ready.” Then he was gone. Good. He was happy Logan was gone. Nothing to distract him from the door. </p><p> </p><p>He stared at the door, waiting for the moment it opened. It couldn't be long now, right? Deceit had said the game was over when he'd come back, and Deceit never wanted to play very long, unless he was doing one of his games in his room, so he'd have to get bored soon, right?</p><p> </p><p>Logan eventually returned to Remus. “Are you hungry? Breakfast is ready.” Remus was very hungry. But eating was moving and making noise. So was answering. When there was inevitably no reply, Logan sighed deeply. “That's all right, Remus. You do… <em>this</em> for as long as you need. I'll be back soon enough, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>It didn't matter if he was back or not. Soon, Remus would be back in his room. Back downstairs. And he would have won the game. But he wasn't moving a second before then. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 2</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Remus wished Deceit hadn't hit him so hard in the leg. </p><p> </p><p>That was all. He wished he'd gone for anything else but his shin with that shiny copper-snake-head-topped cane. </p><p> </p><p>It made it so hard to stand upright, perfectly still and straight the way Snakes had left him, still with bounces in his feet and shakes in his hands and a desperate, ever-growing, ever-building desire to just… just <em>move</em> until he couldn't anymore. But he didn't dare release these, not even as the urge to stick the meat of his hand, between his thumb and his wrist into his mouth, and just bear down tickled in every fiber of his being. Not even as the desire to curl his hand into a fist and pound on the top of his skull became more than the will to breathe. </p><p> </p><p>No. He had to stand still. It was the rules. He had to play the game right. </p><p> </p><p>“Remus?”</p><p> </p><p>And playing the game right meant ignoring Logan’s little visits, no matter how tempting it was to talk to him. No matter how tempting it was to take up his offers of food, water, a chair, the bathroom… no. He had to ignore it. It was the rules. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm going to tidy up your injuries. If you agree, do not respond.” </p><p> </p><p>Remus must have agreed, so Logan set about tidying the marks on his face, picking shards of glass out of his moustache and any cuts without jostling him, before steeling himself to kneel beside the leg he seemed to be distrusting. </p><p> </p><p>Logan gave a tiny noise. “Oh, <em>Remus</em>,” he sighed, as he gently dabbed medicine where the metal of the snake's head had caught his skin. </p><p> </p><p>It stung, but Remus didn't flinch, didn't cry out. He stayed very still, stayed very quiet. Just like he was supposed to.</p><p> </p><p>Deceit would be back soon. He'd be home soon.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 5</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>He was so tired. </p><p> </p><p>He'd never been this tired. </p><p> </p><p>He was so alone. </p><p> </p><p>He'd never felt this alone. </p><p> </p><p>He didn't dare fall asleep, keeping himself awake with a constant stream of intrusive thoughts he was getting from the subconscious. You wouldn't think 5 days straight of constant, nonstop Remus think would get boring, but when your only other alternative is to stare at a door that hasn't moved in days, fucking <em>days</em> and your leg is annoying you and other sides are annoying you… yeah. There's really not much they can cook up in there anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Not for lack of trying. </p><p> </p><p>Imagine an elephant trying to have sex with a dolphin. Imagine slitting the throats of your childhood pets. Imagine-</p><p> </p><p>Imagine that door opens, and there's Deceit, there he is sure as the world, and he smiles at you and says “very good, madness, you won” and you hug him and he doesn't push you away, and you go downstairs and he's talking to you in that same wonderful tone Patton uses on Logan, and Roman, and… and Virgil…</p><p> </p><p>Remus’s eyes popped open suddenly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Silly Madness, don't fall asleep when you're playing a game, how rude. What if deceit came back and saw you? Stupid boy.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Stupid boy.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He actually looked forward to Logan's visits now. All he really did (as he told Remus) was check his vitals, which brought on concerned humming and increasingly high eyebrow raises, and, <em>gasp</em>, was that <em>concern</em> there for a minute, brainiac?</p><p> </p><p>He said stupid things to make him try to lose. “Would the consequences of losing this ‘game’ really be so disastrous as to sacrifice your physical health?” And “Remus, is it possible Deceit did not intend to return?” But Remus wasn't falling for it. He wasn't going to move. He <em>wasn't</em> going to move. </p><p> </p><p>He was going to <em>win</em>, and then everything would be okay.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 8</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, I don't think he's gonna give this up,” Virgil said over dinner one evening, keeping his tone low just in case Remus was listening. “I mean… are we really gonna just let him live in that one spot? Cuz I know Remus. He'll do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, then what do <em>you</em> propose we do, R.L. Whine?” Asked Roman. The prince had been snitty and irritable all week, as the presence of bad creativity always… irked him somewhat. And seeing him in this state of near complete catatonic focus was doing something particularly weird to his psyche. </p><p> </p><p>“Roman? Two minute time out,” ordered Patton calmly. Roman sulkily picked up his phone, set the timer for two minutes and proceeded to sulk in silence. “But, he does make a good point, kiddo,” he added to Virgil. “What can we do? He won't listen to us at all-”</p><p> </p><p>“He won't listen to <em>Logan</em> at all.”</p><p> </p><p>Logan and Patton side eyed each other. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you think it is possible he might listen to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Or someone. I'll be back.”</p><p> </p><p>He stood from the table and went to the place where the Duke stood. And the Duke looked considerably worse for wear. Makeup had started to smear. Hair ever wilder, unable to pat it down or tend to it. Had his room even shifted yet?</p><p> </p><p>“Remus,” he said firmly, “I know you can hear me.”</p><p> </p><p>He had to have. His eyes shifted away from him without dating to move his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Remus. I know you can hear me, okay? So. Listen to me. <em>He is not coming back. </em>He dumped you up here. And I think you already know that. So please, <em>please</em> I'm begging you please sit down, drink some water, god, just… you can't just stand in front of this door forever waiting for someone who's not even <em>thinking</em> about you. Please take care of yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus didn't react, but the wetness accumulated in his eyes was… something, at least. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn't stop the rage building inside him. His voice distorted on its own in that way that always forced anyone he directed it at to listen. </p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>MOVE!! SPEAK!! CRY!! BREAK SHIT!! SOMETHING!!!</em></b>”</p><p> </p><p>The voice always terrified Remus. He’d always done his best to pretend it didn’t but he always at least flinched. </p><p> </p><p>Not today, it seemed.</p><p> </p><p>Virgil sighed, composing himself in spite of the nightmare. “I'm going down there. The next person coming up this staircase is me, and if I don't have the rotten worm with me, I've failed you.” </p><p> </p><p>And with that, he stormed down there. </p><p> </p><p>He still remembered the way to Deceit’s room like the back of his hand, still remembered every twist and fake passage and painted-on door like he'd only been down here yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>After about 20 minutes of running around, he finally came to it. A bright yellow door, a lone bright spot among the black hallway. The door was quilted, a bit like Roman’s pinboard on his bedroom wall, but rather than red, the silk composing this thing was yellow. And rather than being covered in pictures, drawings and trinkets from the imagination, the door was barren, save for an emblem of a two-headed snake. </p><p> </p><p>Virgil tried the knob, pulling and jiggling and straining with all his might before being forced to accept the door was locked. And he knew from experience (and about a month in a sling paired with a <em>long</em> lecture from Logan) that he couldn't break it down by force. And sinking in just wasn't an option, unless he agreed to let you in. </p><p> </p><p>Well, there was always the old stand-by.</p><p> </p><p>He curled his hand into a fist and pounded on the door with all his strength. “<b><em>DECEIT!!! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!!! GET YOUR MISERABLE SNAKE REAR UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO FINISH!!!</em></b>”</p><p> </p><p>There was no reply. </p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>HEY!!! WHAT, ARE YOU EMPATHY-DEFICIENT </em>AND<em> DEAF?! I SAID, GET OUT HERE NOW!!!</em></b>”</p><p> </p><p>Still nothing. </p><p> </p><p>“<em><strong>YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK UPSTAIRS AND APOLOGIZE TO REMUS FOR ABANDONING HIM, YOU ROTTEN SCALE WORM!!!!</strong></em>”</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>After a pause, Virgil dropped the voice, stopped banging, and sighed. Okay, he reflected as he gave a little cough and massaged his throat. So. Clearly, shouting and banging wasn't going to help. Not this time, at least. He thought as hard as he could, thought so hard he might burst something, trying to remember what the procedure was on the rare occasion Deceit hadn't invited him in (called him in to yell at him) or just barged into Virgil’s room.</p><p> </p><p>On occasion, he'd have a panic attack he just couldn't suffer through, he'd need deceit’s condescending, too-sweet voice telling him how silly he was being. On those occasions, he'd knock on the door, call out the name the Snake was using at the time, and the door would open without fail.</p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>I AM NOT GIVING UP, DECEIT, AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS!!!</em></b>” He said, using his outside voice for good measure. Then with his throat sufficiently sore, he raced through the hallway, and soon enough was back up the stairs, faced with Remus, who looked so expectant and so crestfallen when he saw who was coming up.</p><p> </p><p>“Remus, I'm not giving up, I just can't get in his room.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn't reply but the wetness in his eyes welled up and threatened very clearly to spill. </p><p> </p><p>“It's okay, it's okay. Look, what name is he using now? Did he tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus’s tears streaked whatever was left of his makeup on the way down, and Virgil was suddenly struck by an intrusive memory from when he was maybe seven or eight.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Madness? Oh, you silly little thing, Paranoia, I'd </em>never<em> tell </em>him<em> my </em><em>name</em>.<em> Why, he'd tell everyone up there. Then the Fanders would get angry, they'd wonder, “why didn't Virgil stop him? What an idiot, why didn't he try to shut him up sooner? Why didn't Virgil try harder?” And then they'd all hate you. And Thomas would send you away. And we wouldn't want that, would we?”</em></p><p> </p><p>Fuck, of course. Deceit never told Remus what pseudonym he was using, and he made Virgil swear every single time never to tell him until the next change so Deceit  could deliberately ignore him, then chide him for not even bothering to know his name (“I told you what it was not this morning, and you couldn't be bothered to remember. And after all I've done for you, Madness? Ouh, I'm hurt.”)</p><p> </p><p>Virgil rubbed his face with his hands. He didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do here?!</p><p> </p><p>“... right, okay, we’re just gonna have to go with plan B.”</p><p> </p><p>He sunk back to his room, pulled out some paper and a skeleton pen, and began writing from memory, everyone who could answer the door when he called. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 9</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The list was at least 19 pages long. He'd written down every pseudonym and nickname he could remember Deceit using, and there were… a LOT of them.</p><p> </p><p>The strangest thing was, they were all somewhat different? Like they were all him, all variations on his personality, but… I dunno, it was like he had a spectrum between two different modes- condescending parent and bullying piece of snake. It was like choosing these names slid around a slider between these two modes. </p><p> </p><p>Take “Declan,” for example. Declan was the most bearable, because when he was Declan, he was always a bit quicker to laugh and a bit slower to anger. Mind you, he was always laughing <em>at</em> you, but he always did it with a pat to your head and a smile that held feigned kindness. Declan was just a touch more tolerant of Virgil and his bullshit and just a <em>suggestion</em> of a better loser.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>Whereas, if you got Eve, well… let’s just say, if he called Virgil in to tell him to call him Eve in polite company, it was because ‘Eve’ was in a good mood. You stayed out of Eve’s way, or you paid for it. </p><p> </p><p>And that was just Virgil’s favourite example. He’d surely forgotten some. </p><p><br/><br/>Getting back to the door was a bit easier when he wasn't in the midst of a blind rage. But this difficulty was compensated when he was trying to scribble down every spare name he could think of. </p><p> </p><p>But soon enough, he stood at the door again, list in one hand and the other a fist. Luckily for the stupid snake’s snoot, this fist was made for knocking. And that's just what it would do. </p><p> </p><p>Virgil raised his fist and began knocking, continuously and loudly, yet not as loudly as before, reading off names from the list as he did so. “Ethan? Eli? Eve? Adam? Andre? Andrew? Dahlia? Dante? Damian? Dami? Lionel? Lyal? Declan? (No, not that lucky, Heh, nah, I kinda figured as much). Jaze? Dolian? Daniel?...”</p><p> </p><p>He stood there, knocking and reading off names for a grand total of 46 minutes. And, yes, that was <em>exactly</em> as much fun as it sounded. But he did it. Because the longer he stayed here, the more he thought about Remus, standing there alone and clinging to the tether Deceit had cut, allowing himself to wither away under a promise he was desperate, <em>so incredibly <span class="u">desperate</span></em> to believe in. Playing a game of hide and seek except the friend he was playing with went home while he was counting. And he would never find him, and would never know why.</p><p> </p><p>He was <em>going</em> to know why. </p><p> </p><p>Remus deserved an answer. He'd stood there for over a week, waiting for an answer. If he could do that, Virgil could do this. </p><p> </p><p>Fifty-seven minutes now. The subconscious clung to him, weighing on him like a weighted blanket made of dark, cold, emptiness. But he pressed forward. “... Deception? Delilah? David? Cornelius? Argus? Janus?”</p><p> </p><p>Before he could say the next name on the list, there was a clicking sound. An unlocking sound. (<em>Seriously? Janus? Fuck, I was kidding</em>, Virgil thought privately, but he shoved that aside and focused.) The door opened and Deceit stood there, looking as if he were merely mildly surprised, but altogether pleased Virgil was there. You'd think he'd just dropped in unexpectedly while he was having tea. </p><p> </p><p>“Why, if it isn't my frightening little figment. It has certainly been a while-”</p><p> </p><p>“You know that's not why I'm here.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, looking as if he couldn't quite understand why he continued to put up with Virgil, but still found him endearing. “Of course, of course. I'm colourblind, my dear, I'm not deaf. I did happen to hear you shouting through the door.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you know exactly what I want.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused. Had the audacity to look puzzled. “Why would I apologize, when I have done nothing wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Virgil stared at him. He felt something psychologically Fire, and was fairly sure he'd felt something physically break inside him. It must have been the barrier he'd built to repress all his rage. </p><p> </p><p>In retrospect, there was no reason to be surprised. He always did this, he <em>knew</em> he always did this, always telling you the thing <em>he</em> was doing was <em>your</em> fault. If not outright, then subtly. And Janus was the worst offender.</p><p> </p><p>Janus didn't have the aforementioned “slider” in one fixed spot, he would let it slip back and forth all the damn time, and you never knew what you were getting. But asking for an apology was always consistent- he'd be confused, ask you why you hated him, reminded you he loved you so very much… the normal gaslighting bullshit Logan had explained once. </p><p> </p><p>But… I dunno. Maybe this time he had hoped for something, <em>anything</em> at all, other than dismissal and condescending remarks about how silly you were. </p><p> </p><p>For some reason, this time burned. “Done nothing wrong?” He repeated with indignation trembling in his voice. “<em>Done?! Nothing?! Wrong?!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“That is what I said, do you have a different perspective?”</p><p> </p><p>Virgil almost laughed. “After all the shit you pulled?! Yeah, I fucking do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Enlighten me, then, as I don't recall doing anything.” He said it in that tone that felt like he was just humouring you, that tone that told you, <em>don't bother, I've already decided I've won, I'm already thinking of counterpoints even as you talk.</em></p><p> </p><p>Virgil clapped his hands together once. “Okay! Well, then let's just recap! Clearly you missed a lot! You let Remus out when you didn't get your way about the callback, you didn't put him back when we left well enough alone, you then proceeded to abandon him when he was too much, and now?! He's-”</p><p> </p><p>“With someone who can handle him, a step up from me, and a bit of a personal sacrifice if I do say so myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but the last thing you said to him, <em>Janus</em>, since I guess that's who you are right now-” which was gonna make this conversation a bitch, considering Janus was always the worst to talk to, but whatever “-was that you were gonna come back for him. You told him to stand perfectly still, and wait for your scaly ass to come back from him. What was it again?! The ‘<em><b>Standing-very-still-and-being-very-quiet</b></em>’ game?!”</p><p> </p><p>“What was I supposed to do? He wouldn't let go.”</p><p> </p><p>“<b><em>It's been nine fucking days and he’s still fucking there!!!</em></b>” You would think that deceit just didn't understand why this was all terrible, with the way he stroked that stupid cane, watching Virgil go off with all the sympathy and ‘what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you’ flair of a parent watching their child have a tantrum as they waited for them to calm down. </p><p> </p><p>Janus always was the ‘psychological warfare’ Name.</p><p> </p><p>Realizing the outdoor voice probably didn't help his case, Virgil dropped it and immediately went on, “now you are going to go upstairs and tell Remus-”</p><p> </p><p>“What? What, exactly, can I tell Remus that will alleviate this little predicament of yours, Virgey?” He asked gently and kindly. Heh. Kindly, that was good. </p><p> </p><p>“The truth, for once?! Or something simple and to the point like ‘I'm sorry I couldn't love you’?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Virgil, you know I love both of you with all my heart.”</p><p> </p><p>Virgil scoffed. “You have a very funny way of showing it.”</p><p> </p><p>“If Remus has really been standing there for nine days, he's sure to get the point that I'm not coming sooner or later. It's either that or wither away. Besides, whyever should you care?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why the hell <em>wouldn't</em> I care?!”</p><p> </p><p>“As I recall, I'm not the only one who has decided to be less than involved with our darling Duke.”</p><p> </p><p>Virgil felt ice drop into the pit of his stomach. Oh. He was going <em>there</em>. </p><p> </p><p>The snake smirked when the understanding dropped, and he shifted abruptly into Virgil. “‘Yeah, uh, listen, I'm- I'm just gonna step out for a bit. No, it's-... it's nothing I need help with, I just… look, I'll be right back.’”</p><p> </p><p>The way he did it, Virgil realized as Deceit changed back, he looked so… pathetic, and cowardly, and disgusting, and <em>afraid</em>… </p><p> </p><p>“Besides,” he went on as himself, “what was I to tell Remus, anyway? That I was abandoning him forever with the people he hated most? He'd be wreaking havoc up there now. Now he's just silent.”</p><p> </p><p>“He's not eating anything. He won't drink water, he won't rest, he's still smiling, he won't even <em>unclench his fucking fists-</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“So he'll fade eventually, and there won't be a problem anymore.” He laughed at the look that crossed Anxiety’s face on that one. “Oh, come now, don't give me that <em>look</em>, Noia, it’s unbecoming of such a pretty face. Really, my pet, you know I'm just teasing.” He reached over and stroked virgil’s cheek like when he was little. Waking up from a nightmare. Crying and exhausted from a tantrum. </p><p> </p><p>Virgil glared daggers. “Yeah. <em>Teasing</em>. Like when you teased me by locking me in a room for a month until my hair was… ugh, and you hid all the scissors?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s not get off topic, my dear. Ah, get your prince friend to pick Remus up and move him if he’s bothering you, you don’t need me. Now as <b>wonderful</b> as it was to see you again, I have <b>unimportant</b> business to attend-“</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure, I’ll let you get back to planning your next evil scheme. Thanks for no help, Jekyll and Lied.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now, Little Annie-”</p><p> </p><p>Virgil immediately went tense. Shrugged away from the horrific touch that always sent shivers down his spine. “Don't call me that. You know I hate that. It's not my name.”</p><p> </p><p>He hesitated. Then his mouth curled into a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Oh, what was your name? Back before all this…” he gestured to virgil’s aesthetic and rage and indignation. “... hm, was it Venetia, or Valerie…?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don't you fucking dare-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that's right! Violette.”</p><p> </p><p>Deceit shifted again. Back into his first form. With his old voice. Virgil couldn't look. He turned and sprinted away, just like he always did.</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled to himself as Virgil ran away. </p><p> </p><p>Virgil was going to come up with another plan. He would. He <em>had</em> to. </p><p> </p><p>But for now, he just wanted to cry into Patton’s lap, not caring (for the moment) how increasingly worried Patton was getting about his dark strange sons.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 13</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Virgil stared at his disguise in the mirror, feeling like the manipulative, abusive, lying, slimy bastard he looked like. </p><p> </p><p>At least <em>he</em> could apologize for his behaviour.</p><p> </p><p>It had taken him all day to come down from his panic attack. And another few days to think of another plan with the other sides. </p><p> </p><p>It was perfectly clear to all of them that deceit wasn’t going to come out of the basement. At least, not to apologize to Remus. And if he did explain himself, there was a very distinct possibility of Remus dragging him to the Dukedom and keeping him there. </p><p> </p><p>Logan was barely able to convince Patton this wasn’t a good plan. </p><p> </p><p>What they needed, Logan had said, was a substitution. Something just as good as Deceit coming through the door, telling Remus the truth and apologizing. Something that may not have been organic, no, but would offer Remus just as much closure as a side of creativity would need to move, and end the game. </p><p> </p><p>Any of them could have done it, in theory. They could all shapeshift, and between roman’s acting prowess, Logan’s cold, calm presentation of the facts, Patton’s patient, kind apologetic explanation about how he couldn’t love him the way he needed, kiddo, but he was sure the Core Four could, the choice was tough. </p><p> </p><p>In the end, it was Logan who suggested Virgil, very reluctantly. He had, after all, grown up with Remus, seen his dynamic with deceit first hand. He knew as well as anyone could what a conversation like this between Deceit and Remus was going to look like. </p><p> </p><p>Yes, all that was very true in theory, but as Virgil had told them, he had no idea what a conversation like this might have looked like, as Deceit <em>never</em> apologized, and when he did, they were always backhanded variations of “well you brought it on yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>So, Roman had had him try something.</p><p> </p><p>He had to stare into this mirror, look at himself, get comfortable as Deceit (as much as he could get anyway) and practice by imagining the worst thing he'd ever done. Not the worst thing he'd been caught doing- the worst thing he'd done. Who it had hurt, what it had broken, how he had been involved in ruining it… he needed to pretend he was about to try to apologize to that person, except he was apologizing for Deceit.</p><p> </p><p>Roman kept insisting it made sense in context. </p><p> </p><p>So, here he was. Dressed like a snake. Trying to recall all the ways that he would croon remus’s name, and trying to pick one for the situation.</p><p> </p><p>“Madness?” No, he shouldn't do that now, now they needed names. “Remus?” Ugh, too casual. “Remus…?” Too uncertain. If deceit was going to apologize, it had to be because he was sure. He took a slow, deep breath with his eyes closed. “... Remus.” Okay. Gentle, calm, quiet, good enough. Let's go.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, carefully, he creeped down the stairs, feeling like he was trying to steal Patton's cookies. Coming closer and closer to the entrance to the basement. To this terrible, unthinkable lie. </p><p> </p><p><em>It's not</em>, he told himself, trying to steel his resolve. <em>You're just going to tell him your apology, just… as deceit. I'm sorry, I ditched you, I couldn't love you enough and I didn't think you'd wait up for me, but there was no excuse for this, and I'm sorry.</em></p><p> </p><p>All of those things would be true for the side saying them.</p><p> </p><p>But even that felt like grasping at straws. </p><p> </p><p>There he was. Remus, still there, positively quaking with the effort it took to stand perfectly still and be perfectly quiet. Probably hadn't self-soothed in days, poor thing. </p><p> </p><p>He could do this. He could do this. He could…</p><p> </p><p>Then a thought struck him.</p><p> </p><p>Receiving this conversation from the other side. Getting validation, an apology, even an explanation for why this had happened to you, only to find out later that… it wasn't real. It had all just been a lie, another lie to make you feel better. How much would it hurt to find out that you were stupid enough to fall for another lie? Was <em>everything</em> just going to be a lie?</p><p> </p><p>If that happened to him… he'd never trust anyone again. </p><p> </p><p>Virgil sank out before Remus could notice him. Back to the safety of Patton’s room, where he stood there, sobbing and whimpering as deceit before them. He couldn't even change his disguise. </p><p> </p><p>“I can't,” he spluttered, unable to get a handle on his words enough to say more than those two pathetically insufficient words. “I can’t, I can’t, I, I, I can’t, I can’t, cant, can’t-”</p><p> </p><p>Logan was the first to react. One of his hugs, perfectly calculated for Virgil’s specific comfort and body type. “Of course not. It was a <em>gargantuan</em> request, Virgil, no one blames you. Nobody is angry with you. I’m sorry I brought it up.”</p><p> </p><p>Yes, all of that is true, Roman and Patton knew as they met each other’s gaze. But Remus still hadn’t moved and they were running out of options. </p><p> </p><p>Time to break out the heavy artillery. <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>DAY 16</strong> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>He was doing it wrong.</p><p> </p><p>There was no other explanation. He was doing it wrong. He’d moved somehow, or made a noise, and he’d lost, and this was his punishment.</p><p> </p><p>Why else would Dee not come back for him? Why wouldn’t he come back for his very best friend, the person he’d promised never to lie to, he was different, he was special, but he’d fucked it all up somehow. That must be why he was still here.</p><p> </p><p>Liar loved Remus with all his heart. He wouldn’t just not come back without an explanation of why he would, right? He wouldn’t just dip!</p><p> </p><p><br/>There was only one explanation; Remus had to be playing the game wrong. He had to be doing it wrong, there was no way it was anything else. </p><p> </p><p><em>You're doing it wrong, you're doing it wrong, you're doing everything he asked and you're </em>still<em> doing it wrong</em></p><p> </p><p><em>Madness, why do you do </em>everything<em> wrong?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <span class="u">DAY 17</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Roman crept down the stairs and up to the side who was effectively playing Statue. He didn't look well. His eyes were barely open. He most definitely hadn't eaten or drank anything. His skin was pale without any help from foundation, and despite his best efforts, he swayed slightly on the spot. And unless Roman was much mistaken, that was a creeper vine beginning to twine about his foot. </p><p> </p><p>He cleared his throat. “Uh… hey there Remus. How's it goin?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus didn't move, respond or give any indication he'd even heard the better half of creativity. But he longed to. Was desperate to. Had to. </p><p> </p><p>“You, uh… havin’ fun? Bein’ a Duke… standing here…?”</p><p> </p><p>No response. Not even a glance in his direction. </p><p> </p><p>“... right, okay, listen,” Roman sighed eventually. “Nothing about this is functional, so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna play a game.”</p><p> </p><p>A game? The word itself made Remus want to scream. He’d had <em>enough</em> games, Prince Poo Pourri, he’d played enough <em>games</em> to last forever. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, you don’t have to stop this one or do anything too hard. It’s… I call it the ‘yes or no’ game. I’m going to ask a question, you’re going to blink once for no and twice for yes. Understand?”</p><p> </p><p>For a second, Remus didn’t. He didn’t understand why Roman would want to be anywhere near him, or moreover, why he’d pick such a stupidly simple game. But then it hit him that nobody would probably ever want to talk to him again, because snakes had made it clear that Morality was a downright nazi about thoughts, that Roman had probably snuck out of some locked up tower or something just to be with him…</p><p> </p><p>How could he possibly refuse?</p><p> </p><p>Two blinks allowed Roman to release a breath he hadn't known he had been holding. “Okay. Good. Perfect. First question, Remus, are you having fun?” He elabourated upon the visible confusion that passed remus’s gaze. “Games are supposed to be fun, right? And deceit has been playing with you for a while now, right? So, if you're gonna be playing this game for however long he wants, it should be fun, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus hesitated. Then two blinks. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so… <em>are</em> you having fun?”</p><p> </p><p>One blink. A guilt in his gaze that cut like a knife. </p><p> </p><p>“Then, in that case, why don't we go play another game?”</p><p> </p><p>One blink. One blink. One blink. He wanted to sob, scream, break something, but no, no, no, he had to <em>be very quiet-</em></p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, okay,” Roman said immediately. “Quick question. Why not?” He waited, then realized his mistake. “You can tell me through the imagination.”</p><p> </p><p>The imagination. He hadn't shared it with Roman before. Don't screw this up madness. </p><p> </p><p>Roman was treated to a very vivid fantasy. One in which deceit returned, rolled his eyes and taunted and teased Remus for not being able to win this easiest and most simple of games. Telling him how he couldn't do anything right. Conceding, “<em>I suppose I couldn't expect something from <span class="u">nothing</span></em>,” and laughing as he closed Remus away behind a door with people who didn't like him, away from his home and the only person who could ever love him, without his best friend, alone forever. </p><p> </p><p>It lasted less than a minute, but it felt like eternity. </p><p> </p><p>Roman said quietly, “oh. I see.” Then, after a moment, he asked, “do you want me to wait with you until Deceit comes back?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus blinked twice. His eyes were wet and filled with <em>Please?</em></p><p> </p><p>So, Roman took his position beside The exhausted, starving, bored, denying Duke. “It can't be too much longer,” he assured brightly, tossing an arm over Remus’s shoulder. He didn't want to be, but he was mildly grateful, as without the steady support of Roman, he was sure he was going to fall over. </p><p> </p><p>They stood together, Roman interjecting into Remus’s fantasies with his own points. They had happier endings with his influence, but at least they weren't getting boring. Stupid Roman always had fantasies with happy endings, for some bizarre reason. </p><p> </p><p>Heh. Stupid Roman, believed you could have whatever you wanted, thought even the most ridiculous, impossible things were possible. Roman believed in the dumbest little ideas right down to the end. He believed in every doomed relationship, in every stupid idea, every-</p><p> </p><p>Wait…</p><p> </p><p>Roman believed in stupid things.</p><p> </p><p>Roman believed in ridiculous, impossible ideas.</p><p> </p><p>But Roman was here, standing here, with his assurances of “it won't be long now” and “he'll be here any minute” and “I know he's coming.”</p><p> </p><p>Did that mean…?</p><p> </p><p>“R… Roman?” He said after about three hours like this.</p><p> </p><p>Roman tried for an airy and light, “yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“D… Dec… Deceit… isn't… c-c-coming… is he?”</p><p> </p><p>There it was. The awful, terrible truth that immediately acted as the wrecking ball that tore down the massive hopes Remus had been standing on. And he sounded just as broken as if he'd fallen all that distance. “Well, he <em>might</em>,” he offered kindly. Then a bit more realistically, “but, no, he's probably not.”</p><p> </p><p>“He l-<em>left</em> me here?”</p><p> </p><p>“It would appear that way, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus went silent. Roman considered pointing out he'd been here for almost three weeks, but… he'd had his share of silly hopes. Remus didn't need “I told you so’s.” He needed “It’ll be okay’s.”</p><p> </p><p>At this moment, Patton and his perennially perfect timing came down the stairs, looking bright, yet conserved. “I heard some voices, is Remus talking to us again?”</p><p> </p><p>“I- I- I los- I lost- I lost the g-game,” he informed Patton, doing his best to use his Duke Voice. He still had to sound like himself. He still had to sound scary. </p><p> </p><p>“Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, kiddo.” And Patton sounded truly, honestly sorry. “But y'know, if I'm honest?... It seemed like kind of a boring game.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus looked up at him, nostrils flaring and face contorting into a scowl. “Snakes knows the <em>best</em> games,” he snarled. </p><p> </p><p>“I'll bet he does, but everyone has off days,” Patton conceded, bottling his urge to kick ass for later. “I mean, stand in one spot and be silent? What kind of a game is that? Hey. Tell you what? Let's play another game.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, I promise you can win.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want my room,” he snarled, going for intimidating but just hitting ‘sad’ and ‘pathetic’ right on the fucking head, judging by the way the prince and the padré looked at each other. </p><p> </p><p>“All right. I'll move it up here. But while I'm doing that, I want you to play two very easy games. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. Fine. What?”</p><p> </p><p>“The first one is super easy.” He stood up, walked to the kitchen, and returned with a glass of water. “All you have to do is drink this whole glass of water. How about it, think you can manage?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just stood here for seventeen days, I think I can handle… this.” It was a stupid game, sure, but it was easy. And… he <em>did</em> really want water. </p><p> </p><p>~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Roman had him play the ‘drink a glass of water’ game another six times before Patton got him for the next one (he was spurred on slightly by being told Roman currently held the record at four). The second game in Patton's lineup, apparently, was as easy as eating a bowl of mac n’ cheese. There was no broken glass in it. No nails, no rat poison, no dead bugs, fuck, the <em>cheese</em> wasn't even weird.</p><p> </p><p>They praised him when he was done. Somehow, that should've felt insulting (“great job, Remus! You're very good at existing!”) but honestly, he just liked someone looking at him, talking to him, telling him he'd won. </p><p> </p><p>He wondered what the catch would be. There was always a catch with Morality, Dee said so. </p><p> </p><p>Patton asked him gently if he wanted to play the shower game, but Remus didn't dare linger. He wanted to go home, but since he couldn't do that, he would settle for the safety of the dukedom. Pulling up his room in here, was… it was easier with help, incoming strings or no. Patton had told him with a gentle shoulder squeeze that they'd all be out here when he was ready (no shit) and let him disappear into his room, then into the imagination. </p><p> </p><p>Dead grass crunched beneath his feet as he wandered numbly. His feet caught and stumbled on rocks that had been there as long as he had, over bones and chains and toys. It was so weird, he hadn't even thought about it downstairs, but… <em>fuck</em>. The abandonment had always felt so <em>imaginary</em> before now, like something he'd concoct in a fantasy for Thomas. But now, with Roman and Patton feeling bad for him, promising him it'd be okay, it felt like… like this might be <em>legit</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Then it hit him. It hit him like a sewage truck on fire, the gravity of the whole situation. Dee left him. Dee was <em>bored</em> of him. Dee had used him until he ran out of usefulness, then he just dipped. The only person who could ever love him, he reflected as his hands curled into fists, was gone. And he'd left because Remus <em>wasn't good enough</em>. </p><p> </p><p>He hadn't been good enough for the famILY. He hadn't been good enough for Deceit. He hadn't been good enough for Thomas. </p><p> </p><p>Was he <em>any</em> good at all?</p><p> </p><p>His arm twitched. His head felt hot. Then he realized he'd punched himself, just above his forehead. Then he did it again, and again and again, harder and harder, with audible growls each time he landed a blow. He fell to his knees, hitting and hitting and hitting and not even able to summon anything to taunt him for it. </p><p> </p><p>Then, that wasn't enough. So, frantic and desperate, he stuck the base of his thumb in his mouth a bit down hard. He didn't break the skin (he never did) but he felt bones groan and shift beneath his grip as he screamed into the bite. </p><p> </p><p>This didn't bring Deceit back. It wasn't becoming of a Duke. It didn't soothe him in the same way flapping or rubbing his arms would have. But still, he did it. </p><p> </p><p>When he became too tired to continue, he collapsed to the ground, sobbing and miserable and wishing someone would hold him.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Patton waited until the tantrum was well and truly over to go to him.</p><p> </p><p>It had hurt his heart so much to watch Remus hurt himself, had ached something deep inside him to hear that heartbroken, outraged scream. Following him into the imagination hadn't been easy, but he was glad he'd done it, as the Duke’s sobs tapered off into whimpers, and he eventually fell asleep. </p><p> </p><p>Poor thing. </p><p> </p><p>Patton stepped carefully out from his hiding place and walked over to Remus. It wouldn't help the poor thing to spend the night in here, so he scooped him up and sunk them back into his bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry, Remus,” he murmured softly, gently tucking the Duke, still fully dressed into the bed, only pausing to pull away his boots. This caused Remus to stir, whimper, wiggle in the sheets. </p><p> </p><p>Patton was there immediately. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Someday, somewhere, somehow</em>,” he crooned in the voice he used to sing the kiddos to sleep, “<em>you'll love again… you just need to find someone…</em>”</p><p> </p><p>The squirming didn't stop, but it did settle slightly. Encouraged, Patton went on, picking up a stuffed octopus and putting it beside Remus.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Someday, somewhere, somehow… you'll love again. You just need to find some-o-one</em>,” his voice nearly broke when he remembered Remus had had someone, and someone had left him. That had destroyed him. But destroyed didn't mean beyond making better. “<em>Someone… who treats you, better. Someone who wants you around. Someday, somewhere, somehow, you're gonna feel found.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Remus was asleep. But Patton did what Roman loved to do- took the words from the old story, and used them to make something more personal.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Someday, in here, somehow, we’ll help you feel… found.</em>”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked my solution to Deceit’s name! I still refer to him mostly as Deceit, just cuz, but hey! To each their own.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>